Adam vs Planet Earth Chapter 4: Episode 1.4: Night of the Record Breaking Dead.

Read chapter 4 of Adam vs Planet Earth by Omi_TheRobot5868 on NovelPedia.

————————————————————————— Episode 1.4: Night of the Record Breaking Dead. ————————————————————————— “Ok ok ok,” Mariam’s spiral continues to broadcast itself across the living room as the three friends listen intently. “So Jane hooked us up with some new pills, said she got them from Denise, your roommate, right?” Her train of thought is thrown into directions she didn’t even know existed until then. “Sorry, that’s not relevant. Toby and I decided to take them, and now he’s lying on the floor, foaming at the mouth, and I think his pupils are gone!” Just from her description, the room reacts with disgust and borderline disbelief. “Leave him alone, evacuate the building and lock every exit possible.” Adam looks over at Denise and Tom, both leaning forward with full attention. He sighs before continuing, “We’re not killing our friend, so containment until help arrives is our best option.” He gives her the instructions with no malice and no anger, only pure, oddly wholesome fear. “Shit! We’re in the break room right now! I’m looking for something to treat him. Kenny probably keeps some old man pills lying around.” Mariam blurts out, unsure if she even believes herself. “Mary, those pills you took were manufactured 5 star systems away. No traditional Earth medication can cure him, do as I say!” Each authoritative command he gives to his first human friend breaks his heart just a little more. “Fine, but let me try one more thing.” Mariam pauses, inhaling deeply and channelling 12 years of inside jokes and needlessly passionate debates about The Matrix. “Toby! I know you’re still in there! Remember ‘84? Remember the music? The love? That Dutch lady we couldn’t stop competing over until we found out she was already in a polycule? Remember how we stared off into the sunset after a battle hard fought and knew no matter what happened that we could do anything as long as we had guns, bullets and ea-” Her monologue is prematurely ended by a rabid animal that bore a striking resemblance to Toby’s decaying corpse lunging at her. Prepared for it, she grabs a folding chair and lands enough strategic hits to get the creature out of the break room before closing the door. “What the hell happened in 84?” A bewildered Adam assesses her priorities over the phone. “Toby and I would joke all the time that if either one of us were ever mind-controlled or possessed, the other would try to snap them out of it with a fake anecdote that we’d make up together, it clearly didn’t work.” Just from her tone of voice, Adam could tell that she was disappointed in their inside joke not paying off. Not because it would’ve been funny but because underneath the endless layers of meta awareness, both of them saw these overplayed tropes as the ultimate display of their friendship. “Hang in there, I’m coming to help you guys.” He affirms as he hangs up the phone. As he marches off to his room, his disaster prep is interrupted by a reminder that he’s not alone. “I’m assuming that’s how they pronounce ‘we’re on our way to save you cunts’ out in space.” Tom announces, emphasising the ‘we’. Before Adam can make a meaningful objection, Denise doubles down on the proposal. “Adam, this isn’t some cosmic incident you can configure and file a complaint about. Our friends are in danger, and it’s because of us,” Denise is washed with heavy guilt before punctuating her case “, because of me.” Adam stares bewildered at the two of them. “If my assumptions and armchair research are correct, the supplement’s incompatibility with male biology should have manifested in a mentally deteriorating and aggression accelerating disease that is very likely deeply infectious. This rescue could be lethal even to me, and I can micromanage my own immune system!” He exposits the literal horror story to the two friends. An unspoken plea tells them that he cannot afford to lose what little companionship he has built on this planet. “Sorry mate, can’t expect me to pass up the opportunity to battle the