Adam vs Planet Earth Chapter 6: Episode 2.1: Journey to the Centre of the Snack Aisle.

Read chapter 6 of Adam vs Planet Earth by Omi_TheRobot5868 on NovelPedia.

————————————————————————— Episode 2.1: Journey to the Centre of the Snack Aisle. ————————————————————————— “Huh? Those PeeBee fuckers really know how to fix up the joint.” Toby comments, splitting his attention between his healthy human hands and the interior of the Slam Pow. The only remaining evidence of last week’s incident is him and his friends’ memories, alongside the now almost empty classic rock vinyl section. “Thanks by the way, for the…sap and sorry for doing the whole play dead thing, when me and Mary draft our contingencies we never account for…drug induced moral deterioration.” He looks at Adam on the other side of the counter, still trying to connect the dots to the convoluted anecdote. ​Jane rolls her eyes, idly scrolling on her phone as she leans back against a bean bag chair she most definitely has an emotional connection to now. “Don’t praise those status quo-enforcing militias; they can clean up their little alien messes but can’t do anything about any of our homegrown problems? Fucking pigs.” Her rant is ended by Mariam’s entrance. “Sometimes maintaining a little status quo is good! So let’s leave all that sex mint apocalypse shit in the last episode and move on. Also, what’re you doing here, Jane?” She inquires, pretending as if rainbows don’t explode from her heart every time she sees the pseudo-activist in her designated bean bag. ​“I’ve got a date here; he should be coming soon.” Jane picks Mariam up and skins her alive only to boil her naked flesh over the flame of her spoken word. Or at least that’s how Mariam felt hearing that revelation. “You dragged a poor man to this dump?” Toby raises an eyebrow to compliment the self-deprecating jab. “Or is his idea of romantic ambience the sound of people arguing about the ending of Lost in the year 2026?” The example is far too specific to not be the result of some form of grudge. ​“Actually, he asked me to come here! He’s a regular.” Jane assumes her clarification would lead to a better understanding. The fact that even Adam was shocked by it put a stop to that assumption. “Jane, have you seen the people who are regular here?” He asks. Jane returns a defensive shrug. “What? Like you?” She snaps back, still smart enough to see the wall she was walking right into. “The fact that a shapeshifting alien from outer space is in the top 5 most tolerable people who come here regularly says enough. No offence, Ad-man.” Toby delivers the observation bluntly enough to disarm her. “None taken, by the way. I’m off to the comsomarket tonight. Should I get void-corn for you guys?” Adam sifts the silent response before deciding to clarify. “Sorry, after enjoying Earth’s cuisine so deeply I decided to return Denice the favour by introducing her to the galaxy’s favourite snack foods. Eventually Tom would take samples of our void-corn stash without our permission after his little hookups with Denise.” Adam looks over to his audience who are still hung up on what ‘void-corn’ would even look like. “I’m surprised you haven’t started charging the fucker rent the way he’s always orbiting your place.” Jane manages to squeeze in the snark before he decides to continue. “We had an intervention and even considered investing in multiple minifridges until deciding we should set up a direct request and supply system between everyone.” Before Mariam asks the obvious, he assures, “The regulations on food compatibility are much stricter than they are for pharmaceuticals.” A massive collective sigh is emitted. “Odd, don’t you guys like…photosynthesise?” Toby asks. “Xentiviacs’ primary form of sustenance comes from directly absorbing nutrients. But there are thousands of life forms across the galaxy, many of which share the human tradition of making a spectacle of their nourishment. I am acting as a bridge between the two worlds as a reciprocation of our friendship, and falafel.” Adam exposits. Before any further prying could take place, the quaint and familiar ding of the entrance bell announce