Mortal Protection Services Chapter 22: VII.PCS: Portal Central Station

Read chapter 22 of Mortal Protection Services by B.T.Skull on NovelPedia.

VII.PCS: Portal Central Station Ingamar Ma-ana Earth Space, Research Station I woke up in a hospital bed. Flesh and blood body, male, excellent physical fitness, as promised. Mild headache, not surprised on that account. A touchscreen next to the bed had the message, 'Touch screen to watch' so I touched the screen and watched. This was the footage from the brig. "Activate the Rectocranial Inversion!" Jim's robot body flipped over my meat body and... well aside from what OBVIOUSLY happened, the robot body also lowered the head on top - that I was in - down into the torso, and then... after about thirty seconds of... ahem, activity . We had switched bodies. The robot body... lets say, Put Me Down. I lay unconscious on the floor in my new body. "He's going to want to watch all this when he wakes up. Make sure you let him. He deserves at least that much," Jim said. The hyperspace android then folded himself orthogonally through reality leaving a pile of restraints and contrivances meant to stop him doing exactly that on the floor. Even the camera pills I had swallowed in that body were left behind. A swarm of soldiers and a medical team rushed in and the view faded to black. The timestamp on the next bit of video was about an hour later. I expertly noticed this because someone had taken the time to edit in a black screen with white lettering that said, 'One hour later'. The camera showed Jim unfold himself just inside the subspace enfuckulation chamber of the small enfuckulator. The enfuckulation chamber for the big one was just open space. Alarms immediately started blaring, alerting the whole station to the Jimtruder. "Captain Davis, would you be so kind as to order your men to spin up the enfuckulator? I would very much like to get this party started..." then, kind of under his breath, "... Before I change my mind." Which, given my being me, felt like a threat, to me, specifically. Especially combined with the way he eyeballed the camera. He was looking at ME, I knew it. The comms speakers made a static squelch as it opened. Captain Davis took a long pause before he spoke. There was a hard exhale like he was trying to maintain his bearing for this conversation and almost failing. "Jim... so kind of you to volunteer to be our wormhole train conductor, but why should we trust you. You had the whole universe at your fingertips to give us a new home and you put us up the scourge's fucking asshole, you son of a bitch." "Ha! Right in the back address." Jim laughed, slapped his robot knee sarcastically, and then was instantly serious again. "The MPS is a universe spanning giga-bureaucracy. My super consciousness only normally comes in to check on me once every quarter million years or so, and ha ha.... well you know the Scourge. It moves a little faster than that, especially these last couple decades since it figured out warp. Now imagine you're me, tending this beautiful galaxy. Saving worthy lifeforms with the minimal amount of interference necessary, as per the protocol. Then the scourge started. It was slower at first... I mean it just fucking launched meat missiles at other stars. Insane. And it had to make it there in realspace too, took forever. I saved those idiots the first time when they made it... but no, no those dipshits had to go and do it AGAIN on the next planet I put them on, so I concocted a new plan..." "Use humans as your pest control ?" Captain Davis was trying to be acerbic and sarcastic, not correct. "Yes! Absolutely. The plan was to find some species capable of murdering galactic cancer, mostly on its own. I have been thousands of species, experienced a vast array of beings. Only humans are the perfect combination of all the necessary traits: ruthless, compassionate, smart, dumb, rule following rule breakers. But above all that other oxymoronic stuff that makes you so fascinating, you guys really are quite good at killing things, especially apex predator type things. And in the process of getting humans ready,