Mortal Protection Services Chapter 6: III.3: Earth

Read chapter 6 of Mortal Protection Services by B.T.Skull on NovelPedia.

III.3: Earth The planet for option 3 was... Well, still the Earth. Very little changed right away, except that more than half the humans were elsewhere. We didn't have to change the globes in classrooms, but we DID update their starcharts and put accurate wikipedia articles up about their neighboring planets, and the three asteroid belts, commensurate with the level of detail they had on the Sol system. We didn't name these planets, we left that up to them. We let them keep all that other stuff on wikipedia about their old star system, couldn't wipe it out anyway. There were still enough dedicated wikipedia editors remaining on earth that it'd have all been back with 99% accuracy from memory anyhow. Earth was still third rock from the sun in the new star system. The new Venus did not have an atmosphere though, and of course, neither did the Mercury. I... regret to inform you that the new planets were actually called, Dat-Spicy-Boi (1), and Naked Aphrodite (2). I... don't have enough time or patience to explain why that happen, humans are... just that way sometimes. The fourth planet was called Mars 2... yes, seriously. It was unfortunately, also a red planet with a couple of small, 'shitty' moons. They named the fifth planet Odin. Like in Sol, it was the largest planet and a gas giant with a ridiculous number of moons orbiting. They all got a whole load of Norse Myth names. They went hard for Egyptian for the sixth, Ra at the center. Demoted to planet, poor Ra. Also they named Ra's largest moon Moony McMoonface... Good luck fitting that into Egyptian mythos. For seven and eight... and this is really why you shouldn't just let the internet at large vote on things... they chose. Deez, and... I think you know what planet eight was called... Nutz. Speaking of all things name-wise and silly human. They picked a new name for their new star as well. Sol was that old ball of fire. This new star, they called Big Jim. Jim was both amused, and rather annoyed. Only humans would collectively come together to bully playfully tease a godlike power to its face. All the humans that had been called Jim before started getting called 'Sunny boy,' by and large. Again, to the chagrin and amusement of the Jim, and most Jims everywhere. Also, they called the asteroid belts, inner to outer, Jim's Socks, Jim's Belt, and Jim's Suspenders. The largest asteroid was called Jim's Jockstrap, and several of the other noteworthy sized ones were named after individual human bones with 'Jim's' appended in front. Jim's Femur, Jim's Radius, Jim's Ulna... and so on. The political situation on Earth after the Great Leaving, was... well going to be rather, fraught to say the least. MPS drones and logistics technology weren't fully needed, as Earth already had its supply lines worked out. They would just need to cut back production on everything by about 50% and scale back up naturally as the population rebounded (and boy would it). We helped them set up and manage that slow down for a couple weeks. Relocating lopsided populations with their houses and stuff, instantly. Assigning jobs, and rearranging cities and populations. We technologically implanted knowledge and language where needed. MPS works fast, and the Humans of Earth didn't need all that much help to get back going smoothly, all things considered. With all the billionaires - every last one - gone. Likewise with most politicians. They had a massive power vacuum, and Earth World Government filled it. We... may have helped set that up... a little. A big little? Okay kind of a lot. We put all the funds that would be 'lost' from all the missing folks into a single account for the new world government to use. We held elections, FAST, and with mandatory voting, abstainers were simulated until they voted. We may have also made liberal use of local hyperspace simulations to ensure the right people were running, I can't really recall. ;) Officially, a tiny push was all the remaining humans needed to make a worldwide