Mortal Protection Services Chapter 1: I.PP: Planet Pilfering

Read chapter 1 of Mortal Protection Services by B.T.Skull on NovelPedia.

I.PP: Planet Pilfering We at Mortal Protection Services have relocated you to a foster system temporarily. Do not panic. It was on every screen, in every language. Multilingual places had it in every available language. For example, the USA/Mexico border had it in both Spanish and English blaring on every publicly available screen. So, it was everywhere, even down to individual households. My Arab buddy with an Irish wife had it in English, Arabic, and Gaelic. He didn't know his wife knew Gaelic. That was a whole thing. Anyway. Several spies were outed because of the messages appearing in their native tongues on monitors at their workstations, too. Like there wasn't enough upheaval due to the announcement. Mortal Protection Services (MPS) had a level of surveillance that the world's greatest dystopian authors could only dream of, but... they didn't seem all that evil. If they were evil, they would have left our moon behind, but Luna's up there managing our tides still. All the satellites within the moons orbit are there, too... so like, all of them. We lost the Mars rovers, but that's not exactly 'evil mastermind' stuff. At first, most people thought it was some sort of ransomware nonsense that had infected everyone , until the astrophysics nerds started hollering. "All the stars are wrong! Nothing is where it's supposed to be! We're lost in space!" It took the world less than 24 hours for most of us to believe we'd been moved. The night sky was... vivid, here, to say the least. Even the Flat Earthers had to admit something was up. You ever see a picture of old Milky Way on a non-light-polluted night? Brilliant stuff. Well, our new 'foster system' was smack in the middle of a mighty, glowing nebula, and our Earthly light pollution wasn't enough to dull our new sky's majesty. Apparently, our saviors had placed us in a system in which the neighboring star had recently gone nova, leaving all the gases in space around us brightly excited. At least, that's what Neil deGrasse Tyson said. After a few days of general worldwide panic, we got another message. Seriously, quit panicking. Your planet will be fine. Information to follow. And then, every single person with a phone, email address, or other digital information service received a ping. Subject: Earth Relocation Yes, we moved the planet. Normally Mortal Protection Services doesn't take such drastic measures, but a wandering black hole fired by a malicious entity a few billion years ago was about to start its way through your star system. Your planet's orbit was going to be disturbed. All of the Sol system's planets' orbits will. It will be nearly a billion years before they stabilize again, and the upheaval would have destroyed you all. Quite a few big rocks around in the Sol system, and Earth's been hit before. Before you ask, we may be able to move small terrestrial planets with our technology, but moving a black hole is an entirely different matter. As we said in our initial message, this star system is only temporarily available. As your scientists are probably close to discovering, there isn't another planet or piece of rock in this star system other than what we put here. That's no way for a species to develop into a nice, space faring people. We at MPS would like to offer humanity a choice, as a return to the Sol system is not viable. One thing remains true for these choices, the number of days in the year will not change. The amount of energy you humans will get from each of these stars will be within a tenth of a percentage of what you received from Sol. Your plants will grow the same, and your solar panels will work just as well as they did with your old star, and each of these options will be in a system that will not be unbalanced by your addition. Unlike you, we have solved the 'three body problem' up to N bodies. Also, please remember that we will be watching what humanity does after we place you in your new 'permanent' home. If it turns out it to be a mistake, we