The Distinguished Mr. Rose Chapter 86: Chapter 85: I Cursed This Relationship Between You and Me

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Chapter 85: I Cursed This Relationship Between You and Me ——— Renaud I loathe the past, for it was in those days that I was truly helpless: weak. I had no power of my own, no influence to wield. I was but a frail little child who could only trot pathetically behind the shadows of others. Yet it was also in the past that I was at my happiest. Even if I had a brittle heart, or weak limbs, or feeble breaths, I remember feeling at peace. I would visit my mother’s study when the pain was too much to bear, and I would lay on her lap by the fireside as she sang soft songs to lull me to slumber. I always worried I was interfering with her work, but no matter the circumstance she would always make time for me. I did not resent my condition, for I had the love of my family to comfort me always. But such idle days would not last forever. I was a scion of House Dordognes — the second child of the main family line. Such birthright inevitably came with many responsibilities, and so I trained at a young age to be a man worth upholding the household title. I was taught in the ways of administration, law, religion, and combat. To no one’s surprise, I was not adept at combat. Merely holding a sword required every bit of my strength, and a single blow to my body would quickly shatter my bones. It was embarrassing to put on such a display, especially when my father was a knight under the direct command of his late Holiness, Pepin the Malicious Prowler of the Ever Devouring Twilight That Which All Feared and Abhorred and Wept with Utter Fright. Yet despite all his renown, my father never pressured me to do more than I was able. He was not often at the house during my childhood. The emperor sent him off to conquer those distant lands he called savage; but in the rare moments when he did return, I would spend a quiet moment with him by the training grounds. He watched me perform our family’s techniques and would give sincere advice on little things: how to improve my stance, my hold, my footwork. I knew he had no expectations of me to truly succeed him as a paladin, but that never dissuaded him from respecting my efforts. His love was subtle. Even if he didn’t show it, I felt his care nonetheless. In truth, I had no real reason to keep up with my practice, for I was not the heir. My sister, Bradamante, had that honor in my stead. She was everything the elders looked for in a successor: the oldest, the strongest, someone who would bring honor to the family. She was not a sickly child who could barely walk through the halls without descending into a coughing fit like me. Her physical prowess and skill rivaled that of even the adult paladins. The only aspect I surpassed her in was through study, the more scholarly and financial pursuits. It was because I was of such inclination that everyone assumed I would become an officer or perhaps even a judge. It was an honorable profession, and most importantly a realistic one. It would be dishonest of me to claim that I wasn’t a bit disappointed in my lack of choice. But those feelings mattered little. What was important was how I could contribute to our house, our noble name. Bradamante was truly deserving of the heir’s position, and so I resolved myself to better my skills and one day be of help to her. I didn’t envy her, for I already had all that I could ever want. But even though my time was better off spent in the archives, I couldn’t help but return to the training grounds occasionally and pick up the blade. I wasn’t deluded — I knew I would never reach the paladin’s level. But being there, exhausting my body and feeling the sharp pangs of labor… it was relaxing, in an odd way. A hobby. Swinging a sword was when I felt most connected to my father. Eventually, the fateful day came when I was to be enrolled in the academy, alongside the other children of influence. The thought of interacting with them terrified me, at first. I had never spoken with anyone else besides those in my home. The other kids were